So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And then he peed in my hair
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