My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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