Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
