i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
