he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
