Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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