Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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