____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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