thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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