just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
