Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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