while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
