Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was born a porn star she said
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
