dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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