I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
