it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
