I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
