i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
