I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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