I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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