he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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