You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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