apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
