I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
