I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
