This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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