Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
