I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
