Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
