I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
