I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
