After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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