im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
