Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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