i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
