Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
