You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
