She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bring me that man meat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
