this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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