Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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