I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
