i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
