I hate your face
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
