Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
