I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
