i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
