Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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