I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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