i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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