I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
