Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
